Saturday, February 21, 2015

Broken Time: Chapter 8

Didn't realize I hadn't posted in so long. This is for the person who requested me to post. I hope you enjoy it!

“ don’t go searching"


“Don’t yell at me!” Nicki yelled out ironically. She was the only person yelling.

“Put some clothes on, man. We got shit to do, and you playin’.”

“Who’s playin’, Aubrey?” she pulled her jacket on and slid the eyeglasses onto her face.  

“Is this about  the tour?” I questioned although I already understood.

“Why ask somethin’ you know the answer to?”

“It’s set in stone, so what?”

“I don’t plan on ruining it. Shit, I won’t even be there,” she chuckled statically. 

“You won’t?” I didn’t want to argue. I just wanted to figure out why she was so bothered. These were things we did, do as celebrities.

“This is your tour not mine. I don’t want to be in the media more than I have to. I am a mother and wife you know?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I followed behind her to the connected bathroom of our hotel room.

“Exactly what it sounds like.”

“So I’m not fulfilling my own roles.”

It was never enough with me.

“It’s not about that, Aubrey! We have a family amongst other things to attend to that are far more important than this in my eyes. I get what this culture did for and means to you. But I’m not you. I want to be at home and cooped up with King. I just don’t understand why now. You’ve been on tour already. When will it be about family? When will we make memories as one?”

Ouch. The words inflicted all too easily as she vented.

“So family isn’t a priority of mine?”

“I never said that,” she lowered her head.

“You never say anything wrong, huh?”

“When is it gonna stop being about one of us being in the wrong? If you are or are not wrong, I just don’t wanna fuckin’ go, Brey! My God, is it not that easy to comprehend? We’ve been through enough. Shit, it’s not always about me being on the road with you. It’s about our family and building a foundation for King. ”

“It’s not that,” I spat. “You won’t tell the truth to save your life.”

“What is it about then? Tell me.” Nic turned to face me

“I’m not him anymore.”

“I’m ready to go,” Nic moved around me but I pulled her back only to have her jerk away. “Now, Aubrey!”

“No, you’re gonna sit here and talk to me about what’s wrong. You know that’s not me anymore. I’d never break my word again.”

“I know you wouldn’t, so just drop it.”

And I did.


I could have used his own lyrics against him but chose otherwise.  No, being here wasn’t a priority of mine. Women, if you could even deem them such, would be all over him. 


They were damn vultures, and I had grown tired arguing about it. I was his wife, so I decided on keeping my mouth shut. It was for the best because I needed to trust him.

Frankly, I was tired in general. It was always go with us, and I preferred stop. King was most important right now.

“He loves his hats like you,” I spoke up to lighten the mood. King and I sat, waiting for Aubrey to get his clothes on.

“You think?” he smiled widely, those adored dimples sinking in deeply.

“Yes,” I grinned and looked down at King who had a beanie on his tiny head. It fit well enough but was found funny because of how hip he managed to look. 

“He gets the attention of the best like me too.”

“So true,” I uttered very sarcastically, “because you were the corniest nigga when I met you.”

“Yet you looked my way, and bam! 20 million break-ups, a baby, and a ring later, we’re here.”

“Whatever,” I sucked my teeth. “You’re so cocky for no reason.”

“I bagged the most beautiful girl in the world. Why not?”

“Look at Daddy, King,” I voiced. “He tries so hard, and it works every time.”

“I’ve been trying to show him some new looks because he only smiles,” Aubrey said.

“And that is wrong why? He’s a baby. I love his smile.”

“Of course, you do. It’s your smile. I need him prepping for what will be in the near future. He’s gonna have all the girls in the sandbox.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m his only girl right now,” I pecked all over his face. King babbled, a few specks of spit getting on me. I wasn’t complaining though. This little boy had me wrapped around his finger. He was my love.

“You guys at least comin’ to the first show.”

“We will.”

“Would I be pushin’ to ask if you’d be coming to any more?”

“You would. But we’ll be there for some.”

“Well, enough. Y’all ready?”

“Yes, we are, Daddy.”


Hair tossed to the side, Nicki led the way out of the bathroom with a red face and wide grin. It was pretty evident what we had just done.

“What?” she giggled while I stared her down.

“Nothing. Just beautiful that’s all.”

“Oh, my! Don’t make me blush even more, sir,” she cheesed. “We’ll definitely give what we did away.”

“You guys just you know?” OB appeared out of nowhere.

“No we did not,” Nic shot off quickly. It wasn't even believable.

“Have some dignity,” he exaggerated. 

“Stop,” she whined and hid her face in my shirt. It just happened I suppose. We both wanted it, and in the moment, it was our only option. Call it spontaneity. We hadn’t found in us to pass the honeymoon stage.


“You see how mean Mommy is, King?” I questioned King as he stood in the playpen clueless to everything.

“I’m not. Just do as I say if you don’t want no problems,” she chuckled. “This is besides the point anyway because you’ve never been a good dresser anyway.”

“And you have? You dressed like an anime character for like an entire year.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“Dish but no take?”

“I’m your wife though. I can say those things.”

“I’ll take it back then. I’m sorry, baby.”

“Whatever,” she rolled her eyes, unfazed but not really mad. “So you gon’ put it on or what? The show starts in an hour tops.”

“Ok,” I kissed her forehead. She couldn’t even be mad at me if she wanted. 

“Cheeks,” Nic murmured before grabbing his cheeks.

“Love you, Nic.”

“Stop being soft, my nigga. Ain’t no love in this shit,” she chuckled.

“You don’t want my love,” I faked my hurt.

“Never. But you gotta go.”

“Aight. Love you.”

“You just said that.”

“Ok, so say it back.”

“I love you too,” was all I heard before hitting the stage.


“Yas! She my trap queen,” she giggled before bending over to twerk. Her locks sashayed with her movement. 

“Yo, you are wildin’!” I shouted out to her from across the room. It didn’t bother me though. I was glad to see a smile kept at her lips. 

“I’m outchea livin’. What you doin’?”

“Enjoying the show,” I answered.

“Married to the money,” she rubbed her hands to mimic cash. 

“Stop playing for a second and pick my shit out.”

“Nigga,” she glared at me. “Don’t ask me to assist you for the day then complain about my outfit choices. You see those fits over there.”

“Well, then pick something I would like,” I further complained. “This shit is bland for today.”

“You wear black all the time, Aubrey. Shut the fuck up and put that outfit on before I leave,” she pointed at a choice while staring sternly.


Truth was you could really be in love with someone only to have the world say you were not. Countless times they said I did not love him and vice versa. He was getting the longer end of the stick now while I had the shorter end.

My fidelity was now in question when it clearly shouldn’t be. 

“So you really believe ‘em?”

“I didn’t say that but you two did have something briefly.”

“A kiss that led me right back to you. Go figure, Aubrey!” 

“I’m not saying it was more, Onika. Chill with the shit!” he fired back.

“No, don’t tell me to chill when my morality is being questioned, and people are believing it. You’re praised for that shit.”

The standards were different. 

“More bodies than a morgue but no one’s bashing you.”

“That one was actually funny,” he was able to laugh but I wasn’t. 

“Shut the fuck up, Aubrey! Sometimes listen to me.”

“I am,” he insisted with arms up.

“Obviously, you aren’t and haven’t been, bitchass. I’d never gone that far with him. A kiss when we had broken up at the most but nothing more. I want you not him,” I argued.

“Well, then we have nothing to worry about.”


“Aye!” I whined my waist in his lap before posting the picture. 

“What you say?” Aubrey furrowed with his chin against my back.

“Your favorite rapper’s favorite rapper."


“I’d say so,” I sipped from my Solo cup. I was really trying to get faded while Aubrey wanted to be uptight. “Loosen up with your classy ass. Stop being a fuckin’ prude.”

“Fine,” he took the cup and a swig. 

“We fuckin’?”

“If you don’t pass out on your ass, then yeah.”

“Then I won’t, papi. I’ll be good,” I giggled. We’d been doing it more than often. And I wasn’t complaining. But I admit we were becoming a bit careless. I suppose marriage imposed no boundaries, and we could do anything how we wanted. I just was questioning if it was a good idea chancing giving King a sibling. 

“Mhmm,” he hummed against my skin. It was just the honeymoon stage they said. We definitely seemed to prove so when we argued but I knew I was happy. He’d give me a high like no other.  And for that, I’d never be able to leave.

“So about this wedding…can it not be too extravagant? I’d like something small and personal.”

“Whatever you want, babe,” his face rested against my back, making me feel even more comfortable.

“Can you perform ‘Hold In, We’re Going Home’ also? I want you to sing it while pictures of us run in the background. I’ll be in middle of the dance floor while you’re on the stage. We’ll gaze in one another’s eyes and float off on a cloud like the ones on your album cover,” I tried for a straight face but laughed hysterically.

“Shut up!” he chuckled.

“You swear you singing ya soul when doing it.”

“I do this shit. Forreal, Nic. I will sing the panties off of you.”

“Who you tellin’?” I played into his jokes. But God, did I love him.


My hand pressed against her lower back.  

“There’ll never be another me, so don’t go searching,” she teased. Teeth hooking onto her bottom lip, Nic’s eyes were so low you could mistake them for being closed. “You’ll leave empty-handed.”

“You are something else.”

“I’m everything,” the liquor saying things she rarely spoke. “I’m all.”

“You damn right,” I smirked. “More than much sometimes.”

“As are you,” her hand pulled at the ponytail holder. Her hair fell at her back. Hand grasping her throat, Nic’s head flew back in some sort of ecstasy. 

A grin graced her lips as she hit the sheets of the bed. Her body arched once her fingers entangled those tresses of her; the erection of her nipples telling me what I needed to know. 

“Holy shit! I am wasted,” she gasped. Her fingertips ran against her thong’s rim and down at her own pleasure. 

“What’d I tell you?” I scolded, unbuckling my belt.

“Never stopped you before and won’t stop you now,” she rolled onto her stomach and looked back at me with a daring look. “Too bad you won’t though.”

“I won’t?” I questioned before mounting the bed. She was in trouble now.


“Nigga,” she groaned as I poked at her side. Her hair was all in my face while she lied with her back in my chest. 

“Oh, hush,” I brushed her off.

“Shh,” she whined.

“No!” I yelled out.

“Fuck you, bitch ass,” she cried. “You ain’t gettin’ shit for awhile.”

“Please, we married now. This is a partnership.”

“Whatever,” she snuggled up closer. “I like this though. You’re good to me.”

“You deserve it baby,” I grinned. Never did I imagine we could come back from our last break-up. It was worse than the first, so to have her have me was the best thing. I was never messing up again. This was endless.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Broken Time: Chapter 7

“Welcome to OVO, baby.”


“It isn’t true!” she screamed out in apparent upset. Hearing the lock turn to the bathroom door once it shut, I stood on the other side of it to hear just enough. “She provoked me. You don’t know what she’s done, so don’t tell me how to react. I owe you motherfuckers shit, so try again. My marriage is something you can’t dictate.”

 She was really going strong for us.

“Well, I’m not getting a divorce. She’ll just have to press charges, which I know she won’t especially with what we have on that bitch. So I don’t know why y’all called me thinkin’ I would honestly contemplate some shit like that. I didn’t sign nothing in a contract making me adhere to some bogus shit like this. Fuck you!”

Shuffled movement came from the other side and the door opened, causing me to ease away from it.

“Damage control, my ass! I’m not doing shit,” she hissed. Pulling the sweatshirt up and over hear head, Onika began rummaging through the drawers and sending clothes flying.

“What’s up?”

“The label heads are talking about some damage control. I don’t need to do shit to appease anyone else. I thank God for those willing to take a chance on me. But I’m not about to compromise my relationship with you for the world. We know what damage control exactly is. I’m not annulling shit. Fuck them, and fuck her!”

“What do you want me to do?” I asked. Whatever she wanted, I was doing at this point.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “What are we to do? If she knows what’s best for her, she’ll let it go.”

I could get used to this not so stressful approach we were taking if she was up for it lasting.


Streamers flew everywhere in the crowded dining area. The countless faces of my relatives were more than welcoming.

“Where’s the bride?” Momma asked.

“She’s here,” I stepped aside to reveal Nic. She held King against her chest and took  to talk to what was no longer solely my family. It was our family.

“There’s our little angel,” my aunt cooed once my mom took King off Nicki’s hands.

“Let’s go,” I whispered into Nicki’s ear then dragged her down to the basement. 

“We ‘bout to be in some shit,” she chuckled while we stalked into it. “We’re missing our own party.”

Pushing things aside in my old closet, I worked to get us a hiding place there in the not so spacious room. She fell in a fit of chuckles once I was able to squeeze us in. Her ass pressing against my lower half told how close our proximity was. But I didn’t mind. If anything, I enjoyed it. Flipping the light switch, I leveled myself and sat gainst the empty closet’s wall.

“Damn,” I muttered as she situated herself against my lap. I was a lot happier than usual.

“Is it rolled?” she nestled her face in the crook of my neck. I reached in my pocket and pulled out the small Ziploc bag and lighter.

“Yeah,” I grumbled. “Light up.”

She lifted her head up and grabbed the stuff from me.

“What Grade is this?” she mumbled.

“B,” I answered. “‘Nough to put us at ease.”

Smiling, her tongue slid slyly across her bottom lip. The sound of the lighter’s flicker couldn’t move my gaze from her. I was really happy with her.

I pecked her neck softly as she took a pull and settled against my chest. Smoke-filled o’s clouded the air while my hands menaced her sun-kissed legs. Her chuckles surfaced then left once my fingers reached the shirt swallowing her.

“You ain’t ready, Papi.”

But I was. She’d soon see. 


My high had come and gone. The sheet hugged my naked body as I rolled out of our sinful deeds. Scratching my unkempt locks, I tried to figure out where to go from here but was clueless. I had no idea what I was going to do.

I was stressed and agitated in one instance. I only wanted to be a parent, a wife with a career. And it wasn’t difficult because of the many roles but because many seemed so against it.

Why? What had I done to make my happiness resented? What should be the happiest time of my life was not that. I was going insane but was forced to act the complete opposite.

“What’s up?” he kissed my forehead.


“Oh, cool,” his voice portrayed he understood otherwise. “You gon’ tell me what’s wrong?”


“Tell me.”

“I wish you would’ve bedded anyone but her,” I sighed.

“So what are you sayin’?”

“I don’t know what I’m saying,” I answered honestly. “The whole situation is damn near unfixable. Subs are being thrown here and there. My recording contract and sanity just may be at stake. This is beyond unfunny now.”

“So what you trying to do? You wanna leave?” I furrowed my eyebrows and saw he was serious. My laugh sounded and startled me myself.

“You think that’s the answer for everything?”

“I didn’t say that, Onika!” his voice rose a few octaves but I didn’t flinch. “You’re the one bringing up the shit like you want to day in and day out.”

“Oh, yeah, Aubrey, I’d fly out to Toronto with you just to say I don’t wanna be with you. But since her beef isn’t with you, I’m some overly emotional bitch. Fuck you, you inconsiderate asshole!”

“I didn’t mean that, Nic,” drawing nearer to me, he sympathized.

“Nah, you meant that shit because you said it with ease. All I want you to do is fuckin’ listen, Brey! My goodness, can you just shut the fuck up and listen to me? If you did, you’d realize not once did I say anything about leaving you. I’ve yet to utter it since we wedded, but you’re pushing me to do it by saying the slick shit.”

“I’m listening.”

“Well, I don’t wanna talk anymore.”


“Whoa,” I spoke groggily and looked at the many bouquets of roses in the room. Stumbling to my feet a little, I neared them hesitantly. The smell was intoxicating.

“You like ‘em,” his voice pulled at my attention.

“Yeah,” I admitted but refused to turn in acknowledgement.

“I need to become a better listener,” he continued from the distance.

“It’s fine,” I offered. “My anger didn’t help the argument either.”

“Yeah, but as your husband, I should be more considerate.”


“I-I just don’t want everything to fall apart not for just our sake but King’s too.”

“I won’t allow that to happen. No one’s taking you from me or vice versa, ok?” he came forward slowly as though such movement was forbidden. I wanted his steps quickened, him near me. “I’ll take care of her; she won’t be bothering us anymore. And don’t worry about the label because if they try to rid you from it, I’m still gonna make sure you make music as long as you want. No one’s takin’ shit from you on my watch. I swear to you.”

I was holding him to it.


“I know no one here nor do I know any places. I can’t be too picky, Brey.”

“What do married people do for date night anyways?” I huffed as if this was an actual complex situation.

“Probably, stay in or something. I see nothing wrong with that.”

“You like bowling?” I asked, regaining my focus on the road.

“I’ve actually never bowled.”

“Well, we’re dressed for it, so we can do that then get burgers.”

“Ok,” she nodded and reached to turn the music up. “Why we gotta listen to your shit all the time?”

“Shit, I don’t know,” I shrugged her off because I knew what was coming next. Onika was too predictable, acting irritated becoming my biggest fan within the next minute.

“A nigga gotta woosah,” she repeated as my verse started.

“Word? You was just frontin’.”

“So. Fuck you gon’ do but grin like always? Yeah, I peeped you love that shit,” she read me like I was an open book. “You’re the only rapper I fuck with.”


“Nah, but you are the only one I fuck,” she laughed.

It hadn’t taken long for us to pull up to the bowling alley’s entrance

I had rented it specifically for us but we weren’t doing much bowling. I watched her, amused as she stirred in my lap and sought to get the perfect angle for a picture. There was no more crying thankfully.

“I’m becoming ridiculously corny,” she smiled.


“People will be pleased to know we’re still alive,” I laughed as she worked to post it quickly. “And when they see, they gon’ know it’s real.”

“Already,” I chuckled. Jumping, Nicki became startled by the vibration of my phone. “Let me get this.”

Easing her off my lap, I was able to get it and saw a message from Wayne talking about linking up. I guess he was in my turf. It was strange but I texted back asking for a place to meet.

“We gotta go, babe,” I patted her back. I couldn’t help but  feel this wouldn’t be good.


“So?” Nic tried breaking the uncomfortable silence. We’d been sitting in this hotel room with he and Mack for a good 15 minutes. Them on one couch and we on the one across.

Honestly, I didn’t want to be here and that was a first. There was an obvious rift between Wayne and I. If it hadn’t been evident before Nic and I’s marriage, then it was now. It hadn’t seemed to affect him much in the beginning, but after the spontaneous wedding and stuff with Rih it was more obvious.

“We need to figure out the next step,” Wayne finally spoke up.

But there wasn’t a next step. The bullshit would be deaded soon enough if it wasn’t already. I was going to take care of my wife.

“Ain’t no next step,” I shrugged.

“Please,” Nicki interjected before it could where we figured it would.

“My bad,” I answered to her sympathetically. “But things have been fixed. We good.”

“You are?” he asked sarcastically. Mack stood and motioned for Nic to come with him. She looked at me for reassurance; I nodded.

“You mad at us?” I questioned as soon as they left.

“For why?” he refused to answer. “It’s all love.”

“Nah, man, it ain’t. Hasn’t been for awhile.”

“She needs a break from the label.”

“Or you just need a break from her. It’s good though. You might as well release us from the label if there’s gonna be some break.”

“Why would I do that?” he smirked. I didn’t want to go there with him but had no choice currently. There was so much uncertainty regarding the possibility of resolve. He was mad over someone he never had. I could only laugh but still was pissed it had come to this.

“You don’t have to. We can remove ourselves.”

“How so?” he leered now.

“Nic will be taken care of. She is my wife after all,” I stood. “We are done here, right?”

“For now,” he muttered.

Welcome to OVO, baby.


It was only temporary Mack told me. But the grudge I now held against Wayne felt it wouldn’t be likewise. A part of me wanted us to be able to weather this storm and get back to those better days. It was needed rather wanted because we were family. But her was no longer to be my concern nor was I his now.

I hated it but he chose it.

“Why are we back here?” I mumbled once we arrived back at the bowling alley. He got out and opened my door.

“Our date isn’t over. I rented this shit out; we gon’ get our money’s worth and bowl. Come on,” he ordered while grabbing my hand but I refused to get out.

“No,” I frowned.

“This what we doing Nic?” he huffed then nodded. Grabbing my waist, he lifted me over his shoulder and carried me inside. “You gon’ enjoy this shit.”

“I want to, Aubrey! It’s just,” I paused. “I never expected it to get this far. I shouldn’t receive hate for who I love.”

“We can’t change our feelings but will make them regret trying to make us do it.”

It wasn’t long before hot tears fell down my face. I was over everything.

“Dammit, Nic,” he sighed and closed in on the little space between us.

“I-I’m sorry,” I cried. “I caused this.”

“No, you didn’t. And you better stop saying that,” his voice came out rather callous. I knew it wasn’t toward me but instead toward the situation in its entirety.

I didn’t blame him; I blamed myself. The fight, Wayne’s disdain, it had been all me.

“Please, stop crying, baby,” his voice softened this time. “I’ll make sure everything goes right, alright?  No one’s takin’ shit from you. I’ll put every last dollar into your music if I have to.”

“What about Rihanna?” I wondered.

“She hasn’t been bothering you, right? You haven’t heard anything else ‘bout charges, right?”

“No, I haven’t heard anything else.” He didn’t utter another. He managed to say nothing yet it was enough. “I trust you, Brey.”

“It’s just us,” cupping my chin, he commanded my eyes’ focus. I caved easily at his words soothing voice.

“I believe you.”

“As long as you know.”


“So am I an OVO model now?” I questioned once my arms slid into the namesake letterman. Falling back against our bed, I stared up at the ceiling purposelessly.

“You’re crew but you can be that too,” he wasted no time taking a photo as the phone’s camera notified such.

“I’m so honored, Drake,” I gasped sarcastically.

“You should be,” he jabbed before plopping down against me and grabbing my waist. My back rested against his chest and his face nestled into my neck.

The raising of his chest so close to my back relaxed me in some way. I guess we were truly becoming one in some way because knowing he was fine assured me I would be too.

“What’s wrong?” he said into my neck.

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. I’m good.”

“Just makin’ sure.”

“Thanks for everything today. I enjoyed myself.”

“It didn’t quite go as planned. But if you’re happy, I did my job.”

I was.

Friday, March 28, 2014

Broken Time: Chapter 6

“I’ll make an ass of you..”


Two Months Later

I hated freezing rain. It was the worst kind. And here I was awaiting his arrival in it.  I refused to meet him at my house. Too many memories had accumulated in it.

I avoided media at all costs and crawled into a hole of seclusion. It wasn’t something bad though. I was becoming who I should have been long ago.

“Fuck!” I jumped as a hard knock sounded against my window. It was him. Letting my window down, I gave the hooded figure a simple nod.

“My bad,” peering in the backseat, he spoke as the locks switched. But King wasn’t there.

“Grab the umbrella, Brey,” I slipped up with his nickname and earned a smile from him.

“Ready?” He appeared at my doorside with one hand stuffed in his pocket and the other holding the umbrella.

Drenched, I didn’t understand the point of umbrellas if rain was still able to get on you. Nonsensical it was.

Removing our shoes and shrugging off our wet jackets, we found ourselves in the empty restaurant. Well, with the exception of staff, it was empty.

I allowed him to pull my chair out although I didn’t care for his gratitude. We were not getting any step closer to being together again. This was strictly two parents having dinner.

“The world misses you,” Aubrey said before scanning the menu as if he didn’t already know what he wanted.

“Hmph,” I chuckled at his not so cryptic words. “You or the world?”


“I can only come back to one of those,” I leered and he wasn’t too pleased as his expression dropped. “Let’s not dwell on that.”

“Don’t become some emotionless person.”

“So because I’m not in tears over your ass and doing what I should’ve done long ago I’m some emotionless robot,” I chuckled a bit bitterly. “Don’t play yourself, Aubrey. I’ll make an ass of you.”

“So this is you now, huh?”

“You get what you give.”

“And what am I gettin’?” he smirked. He was such an asshole.


I smiled at the two dimples sitting in her lower back. Back turned to me, Nicki lied half-covered in the California King. This had been our routine for the past month when it wasn’t pertaining to our child. She thought it was just “sex” but she and I knew it was much more.  If it wasn’t, then her damn body and mine had me fooled.

“My goodness,” she seethed once trying to get up but my arm was wrapped around her face. “Bastard.”

I chuckled in response to her futile attempts. She’d give me hell for it swiftly.

“You keep doing the same shit. I don’t want the affection,” her head crooked my way quickly.

“Move my hands then. But if you aren’t, then stop with the front.”

“Is that so?”

“You here, right? I’m here right? So keep your ass still.”

“Fuck you, Aubrey! Don’t think you run shit because you fucked me good. We still aren’t on good terms. I still don’t like you or that bitch.  Just because y’all crashed and burn does not mean we have a chance rebuilding.”

“So what we doing here?” raising up, I motioned between us. “Don’t act like you’re innocent either, Onika. You’re very flirtatious with other niggas. You’re lucky I let that shit slide. And the whole Wayne thing.”

“Fuck you!” she shouted.

“You did that already. Just cut the shit. Forget the bullshit I said months ago.  I did what I did to fuck with her emotions and make an ass of out of her. I needed the world to see how contradicting she could be. So you comin’ home or what?” I ran my hand down my face.

It had been my plan all this time. I knew she and everyone else wouldn’t agree with the plan to begin with, so I just kept it to myself. The stuff I said was bogus, and at the time, Rih was just in the other room. Yes, it hurt seeing Nic hurt, but I really wanted her exposed at the time.

Not only had she pulled that crazy shit, but she was also just throwing me under the bus. Yet she was ready to hop on a jet to come to my shows. I could play along too.

“I don’t know,” she got quiet suddenly. “I kind of like being single.”

“What you mean you like being single?”

“Exactly, what I said. And then you’re throwing my flirtatious nature in my face. So maybe this break or whatever this may be is good.”

My jaw clenched as I looked on at her nonchalance and apparent seriousness.

“Kidding,” she climbed atop of me and placed kisses along my collarbone. “You’re not the only one who can joke.”

“You better get a leash on that flirting shit, Nic. I’m serious.”

“Yes, Daddy,” she smiled.


My head ached from the sunlight peering through the hotel window. The events of last night were faded memories as I turned to face Aubrey’s muscular build. I rubbed the scruff of his maintained beard and noticed a gold band adjacent to the diamond ring I’d returned to him months ago.

“Shit,” I mumbled as I tried piecing things together. It only meant one thing. We’d impulsively done what we planned on doing in the near future.

“Brey,” I shook his body but he didn’t budge. “Aubrey!”

“Shut up, Nic!” he grumbled and planted his face back into the pillow.

“Look at your ring finger,” I said. Resisting for several seconds, he finally did as told but was nonchalant of it. There was a band bigger but similar to mine.

“We’re married, so what? Take your ass back to sleep,” his arm flung over my waist.

“Are we?”

“Yes, last night when you got drunk off your ass again, I asked you to put the ring back on. Got the gold bands I had for the real wedding. But instead, we went to a nice little chapel and made it official there.”

“So you’re happy with what we did or no? I mean we agreed on waiting but if you want to see i-,”

“Why would I be upset? I married the love of my life. Ain’t no second-guessing. I love you.”

“But what if I’m a horrible wife? I mean I don’t want things to change, Brey,” I was near tears now. “We already have had plenty of problems. What if things get worse?”

Sitting up with a groan, Aubrey gripped my hips and pulled me in front of him and wiped my tears.

“We’re good. You know how many times we’ve broken up and gotten back together. We’re straight. At the end of all this, we’re only each other’s. No status is changing that shit.”

“You promise, Brey?”

“I promise, babe.”


“I’m nervous,” I bit my nails while readying myself for the photo. The veil from what remnants of last night we kept hung to the small of my back. I sat on the sea of sheets with my back to him in nothing but my black lace panties.  With my left hand placed in a way for my wedding ring to be shown.

“Ready?” Aubrey inquired.

“Yeah,” I relaxed and waited to hear the sound of the camera. “Beautiful.”

I found myself blushing at his choice words. There was no skepticism about spending the rest of my life with him. Although he sent me into a fury, Aubrey managed to make feel so good inside.

Butterflies gathered in my stomach and flew freely. I was so happy with him, and I didn’t care what events had proceeded.


“What’s the caption?” I craned my neck his way.

Mrs.,” a smile tugged at his lips. “You know you’re married when the corny pictures begin. Everyone’s gonna be blowing our phones up too.”

“We won’t answer. This is our time.”


“I missed you,” she lied back against my chest as we sat up in the bed. Her fingers moved back and forth against my knee propped up. “Us.”

“You were talkin’ that shit though,” I kissed the back of her neck.

“Sorry,” she muttered.

“No problem. We’re where we’re supposed to be.”

“Uh, can I ask you something?”


“What if I wanted to have another baby?”

“Is your body ready for that?  I mean King isn’t a year yet. But I want what you want. We can have ten kids if you see fit.”

“Really? I was initially against it. But I want it all now. We can wait with our careers being busy an-,” her words were cut off by a loud knock.

“Get it,” she moved off of me and underneath the cover. I trudged taking my time to maneuver out the room and into the foyer. Getting up to the door, I looked through the peephole and saw everyone I’d been ignoring for the past two days.

“Shit,” I grumbled as I tightened the strings of my sweats.

“Fuck you!” was all said as I opened the door.

“Where’s Nic?” Court asked from behind them before they all busted in.

“In the bedroom.”

Chubbs, CJ, 40, Oliver, Mark, Future, Hush, Ryan, OB, everyone was here.

“Stop!” Nicki’s voice erupted with muffled giggles. “I’m sorry.”

“We found out from the fuckin’ Insta like we ain’t close to you niggas personally,” Hush griped with her thrown over his shoulder.

“It just happened. I don’t even remember shit. We’ll eventually have a real one.”

 “We wanna throw a party,” 40 added.

“Where?”  I asked, taking a seat on the little open space of the bed. They were just lounging like it was theirs.

“Shit, I don’t know.”

“Can I walk in to ‘Trophies’ on some G-shit? Or his verse on ‘Sh!t’ remix?” Nicki asked with a straight face.  I started cheesing then erupted into laughs as Hush let her down. “Imma wear a mink or some shit, Brey.”

“You wildin’,” Chubbs shook his head.

“Bitch, check the numbers, I’m the one who really get it,” Nicki rapped. “Y’all better do that shit or I ain’t comin’ in. Deadass”

“Fine. What you walkin’ in to?” 40 continued.

“He’s walkin’ in with me,”


“Niggas thought I was playin’,” Onika beamed as her mink dragged against the floor.

“I wished you’d take that off. Too fuckin’ warm in here for that shit.”

“Hoes are mad,” Nicki pointed at me and flipped her hair over her shoulder to hit my chest. She was definitely feeling herself tonight.

“Oh, really?”

“Yes,” she finally shrugged it off. It dropped to the balcony floor and a tight, pink dress with thin straps was revealed. “But you’ll keep your eyes on me tonight.”

My lips curved upward as she attempted to walk away but I grabbed her waist. I pressed my lips against her cheek.

“Dance with me,” she said when Party’s Muse came on.

“Up here?”

She had me wherever she wanted.


“Let’s get lost,” I found myself thinking out loud. I was on a high as my body fell back against the bed.

“In what?” he posed. And I couldn’t exactly answer it as such.

“Everything, I suppose,” my eyes diverted to the ceiling’s mirror.

“What’s everything?” he mused rhetorically.

“Whatever we want it to be.”

“And that is?”

“Good, bad, everything.”

“So you want the bad?” his hand brushed against my arm and down to my hand. Our fingers entangled and grasped each other’s. It was a little gesture but meant so much to me. All I ever wanted was his touch, the warmth of his being.

“Everything,” I nodded. “We wouldn’t be us if there weren’t the bad times, Aubrey. I may not like them but I appreciate them. Every time we experience a bad time we grow stronger in bond and connection. No one can take you from me and vice-versa.”

“You just gotta work with me, alright? Trust me.”

“I do. I just…I guess I get a little angry with you at time. You never talk much about what’s going on inside while I wear my heart on my sleeve. We have to give each other what we’re taking.”

“Likewise. I know my rep with women but you have the eyes of many men. And I hate that shit especially when you kind of egg the shit on.”

“I just kid, I don’t want them, Aubrey.”

“Yeah, but they don’t know that.”

“So you don’t want me being friends with them or what?”

“Do you, but don’t do something you wouldn’t want me doing.”
One hand stayed in the air while the other gripped the red solo cup. I was a little buzzed but well aware of how to behave. And honestly at this point, I couldn’t care about her being here. She had already lost to me.

This was something she couldn’t take away. And for a moment, I felt for her. But once I recollected her harmful intent, those feelings washed away quicker than they had come.

Frankly, she could take nothing that was never hers.

Her eyes zeroed in on my ring finger and back to the stage. A sly smile slid on my face every time she took time to acknowledge it. Shit, it felt beyond great because it was real, and her facial expressions were just icing on the cake.

“I’m being good,” I said to 40 as he basked in the knowing. He quickly threw an arm over my shoulder and laughed.

“As long as you know and she knows.”

I knew better but I couldn’t say the same for her. Hopefully, the night wouldn’t go awry.


“Pizza pie,” I smiled at my own box in front of me. Leaning over to peck Brey’s cheek, I giggled as the guys faked their sentiments in feminine voices.

There were so many people backstage. It felt like more than had been here before my abrupt departure.

“You drunk?” he asked.

“Nah,” I shook my head. “I got a little buzz though.”

“Pay her no mind.”

“Did you know she was coming?”

“Nah, I didn’t.”

“Well, then we’re good,” I got up from my seat on the couch. “I’ll be back.”

Navigating through the numerous people, I kept ahead to the table for the sake of my thirst. I wanted something to drink. But I guess we were both thirsty, her in more ways than one.

“You rang?” I said to Rihanna while letting my eyes scour the drink choices.

“So it’s true?” she said with uncertainty in her voice.

“I didn’t know you needed confirmation.”

“We were just together.”

“And?” I now turned to her. “I don’t think you’re willing to play yourself right now, babe. You already look desperate; don’t do this to yourself.”

“Ok,” she smirked. “You know that was gonna be me right? I coulda married him.”

“And what stopped you?” I crafted my question carefully. She began to chew on her bottom lip, hesitating to answer me promptly. “Huh? Speak up.”

“You c-,” she started but I cut her off.

“Answer my question,” I demanded but she wouldn’t. “Me. I stopped you, bitch. I’m his biggest fan. What are you? I’m the mother of his child. What are you? Most importantly, I’m his wife. What are you, Robyn? You’re no better than the next bitch off the street. You just got fame. And luckily, I’m not like other women out here because if I was your ass would’ve been beat long ago. This is the nicest it’s going to get. But keep fuckin’ with me, and I’m going to give you that awaited ass whoopin’. Get in a line like every other bitch.”

I had spoken too soon. It was too soon.


All hell broke loose swiftly.  Shit had escalated. I knew Nic had been waiting for this moment but more than likely hadn’t fought without good reason.

Rih had gotten a punch or two in and a scratch here and there. But it was noting compared to what Nicki had done.

Rih’s left eye had now been painted black, and blood leaked from the pores of her face. Nicki had transformed into something otherworldly as everyone looked on. I wasn’t one to normally let women fight but this was something bound to happen.
Still, once I believed both had enough, I pulled them apart and took Nicki off into the distance.

Her monstrous nature had disappeared and she was now silent. Laying her head against the window, she sat away from me in the backseat as the driver took us back to the hotel.

The patter of raindrops was all heard throughout the vehicle. And at the moment, it was best. We needed no arguments or confrontations.

I reached for her hand and held it.  When she didn’t turn me away, I knew we’d be fine.


“Don’t touch me, shit,” she hissed. Nicki huffed out of frustration when trying to find a comfortable position in the bed. Something else was obviously bothering her but she chose not to speak on it.

“Talk to me,” I encouraged.

“You fucked her,” she spoke rather than asked. “And she threw that shit at me like some damn poison. But that wasn’t even why we fought. She tried to ask me how King was and said she was sorry for keeping you from him.”

“I ai-,”

“What else needs to be said? I’m here, Aubrey. I’m going nowhere even if she keeps at it. We’re only going forward even if that means I gotta deliver a few ass beatings along the way. This thing we got is it.”

“No one else,” I told her.

“No one else, Brey.”

About time, right? :)

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Broken Time: Chapter 5

 “Don’t get mad at me; I’m only the monster you created.”


My hands irritated the back of my dress as it kept rising. I was a tinge incapacitated but knowledgeable of everything around me. And I was livid.

"You good?" Aubrey asked. Sipping my drink, I ignored him and smirked at her while she stared back at me. "Don't do anything crazy."

"Don't tell me what to do, Aubrey!" I sassed childishly. "The bitch is trying it."

"Ignore her," he gritted in my ear. But I wasn't listening. No liquor was stronger than the courage I already had.

"Stop talkin' to me."

The fact he had once began to mend their relationship gave her the notion that it was ok for her to come around. And it wasn’t because I’d yet to forgive her. No reason had been given to do otherwise.

"No, you stop talkin', and sit your ass down somewhere," He kissed my lips but I didn’t reciprocate it. He pointed at the couch in our section of the club. But my eyes stayed focused on her. Smiling our way with a wave, she was full of shit.

“Touche,” I laughed then took another sip from my cup before cocking my head aside and flipping her off. I was going home.


"Don't fuckin' touch me," she spat before falling back on the bed.

"Stop," I begged, trying to remove her dress.

“Don’t touch me!”

“Chill out, Onika. I’m serious,” I gritted, clearly pissed that she was drunk off her ass. She could already barely hold her liquor but it was even worse that she was so sloppy and temperamental.

"All of you niggas are full of shit. Y-You no love me, Aubrey?” she slurred a bit.

"I love you not her."

"Give you a-a," she hiccuped, "a baby and she still has one over me."

"If I wasn't in love with you, a ring wouldn't be on your finger." I was beating a dead horse with her intoxicated state. I knew I hadn't exactly been Prince Charming but I didn't expect her to feel as though I didn't care. Robyn was just who she was.  And even then, you never knew what you were getting with her.

Our relationship and friendship had its volatile times but only because she played with my emotions. I always felt she wanted me when it was convenient for her and soon got tired of it. And of course, there was a time I still loved and wanted her but she didn't want me. I’d found Nicki, and she was it.

Yet some type of tolerance was needed for the sake of our lives. And Rih was a good person when she wanted to be; her irrational thinking just skewed that sometimes. We were in a good place. Even when I found myself wondering about what could’ve been, I was thankful for what has been.

“St-Still lyin’ to me, Brey,” she sang with that foolish smile. “But it is ok, k?”

“You’re wasted,” I sighed.

“Maybe,” she held her hands up and shrugged. “But I don’t care.”

Her vanilla scented curls roused me from my sleep. Nicki’s body basically lied atop of mine, so I just stayed put for a bit.  Brushing the hair from her face, I was able to get a good glimpse of her face. She was a beauty.

“Uh,” she groaned. “No.”

“You good?” I mused while she now had her head planted into my chest.

“Shut up, Aubrey! Fuck,” Nicki cried. “This isn’t cool. And you steady takin’ jabs.”

“Yeah, you got drunk off your ass and are paying for it now. But I can’t poke fun.”

“I know what I did. Don’t chastise me like I’m your fuckin’ child,” she finally rolled off of me and onto her side, pulling the cover back over her body. Onika always acted like this hard ass but was a big baby when she could be.

Still most of the time, she was a little too emotional. She wore her heart on her sleeve, which was a good and bad thing. I’d hurt her because of it numerous times. And I was still dealing with the aftermath. Onika liked to put up the façade that she was good but obviously is still scarred or coping. We were gaining ground though, and this wasn’t helping our progress.

“Talk to me,” I said.

“Leave me alone, Aubrey,” her voice was muffled so I pulled the sheet off her head. “I’m just tired. Give me this time to sleep, shit!”

“Tell me what’s wrong?”

“You know what’s wrong. She’s always around, and I can’t take the shit anymore. I’m not up for the smilin’ and wavin’ shit. You need to set some fuckin’ boundaries with your ‘friend’ or it’s somebody’s ass, preferably hers. I’m not doing the crying mess anymore. If she keeps tryin’ it, then that’s her ass. No lie, Brey. Check her or I will.”

“You won’t be doing anything,” I said seriously. We were parents now and neither one of us needed to be getting in altercations.

“Don’t tell me what I won’t do. Obviously, you can’t handle the situation like I asked of you. You’re leaving me with no choice if she keeps it up. Fix it now or else.”

Without much of a word afterward, she knocked out.


“Champagne,” I sang loudly as I danced in my seat. King’s fat legs moved along to the beat. We were all at sound-check getting ready for the European leg of tour.

Every now and then Aubrey would steal glances at us and smile. I was actually happy with him since we’d gotten engaged again. Although my actions during the run-in with Rih probably showed otherwise, I really was. My anger didn’t stem from him; it was just toward the situation we’d been put in because of her.

“OVO crew, nigga, thought I told you. Aye!” I continued with him and exclaimed when I rapped that part.

“Stop,” he laughed.

“I can’t,” I giggled. “I love the way you rapped it, and plus, I’m an honorary OVO member.”

“You can’t just join.You gotta be initiated or some shit.”

“Please,” I rolled my eyes. “That’s like me saying you can’t fuck me because there’s secret password to get passage. You’re my fiancé; you get it anytime.”

“That was not a good analogy, but I see your point,” his hearty laugh I loved finally sounded.


She slipped out of the bed and pulled her dress on like we hadn’t just had sex.

“Where you going?” I asked.

“You thought I’d stay?” she mused. “You all up on this bitch and think I’m gonna stay. Never underestimate me. Shit doesn’t feel too good, huh?”

“We only performed.”

“And I’m only leaving. We’re even,” she pulled her hair to one side and slid her heels on. “Shit, let me not forget. Here’s your ring.”

She tossed it to me easily without a second thought. And I figured it was over.

“Maybe I’ll finally get my song like everyone else. Or better yet I hope to get a few subs here and there. I applaud you though. You’re one hell of an actor.”

“Don’t do that.”

“When you’re done playing and try to come back, just know you can’t. You and I both know you’re gonna come back, and I swear to you I won’t be accepting this time.”

“I love you.”

“Yo, you’re really playing yourself right now. ‘Love.’ This hasn’t been love for a while now. We’re good on that.”


“We don’t have shit but a son together. I know when your tour ends, so that’s when I’ll start accepting calls again. Don’t have none of the crew calling me or delivering your messages because this shit is dead.  I will be changing the locks too. This was your last chance, and you blew it with your trifling ass. Don’t get mad at me; I’m only the monster you created.”


My gaze was not particular, one without any focal point. My throat hurt from crying and my head too was pounding because of the events taken place this week.

King lied in my arms, sleeping peacefully. I wanted to be him, incoherent of what was happening and at ease.

I kept my promise and shut my phone off. I was clueless to what was to be done. We were never apart even when we were apart. Us being together was always understood, and I no longer felt that way.

I didn’t want to do a lot of things anymore. I no longer wanted to be in the public eye. I just wanted to be a mother and away from all the drama. It was time to.

To grow.  To move on. To be happy. And he’d never allow it because it had to be done without him. Now I felt cold and callous toward him, wanting nothing more to do with him.

“About time you arrived,” I spoke sarcastically once his body came in view. Saluting the rest of the guys, I smirked at his fatigued appearance. It still wasn’t enough though.

“I’ll take little man,” 40 spoke and grabbed King from me.

“Oh, no you guys aren’t leaving. Whatever he has to say will be said in front of you all.”

“Come on, Nic.”

“Come on, what? This shit would’ve worked on any other day but not today. Still, my interest is piqued. I’m desperate to hear what you came up with. Continue, love,” my tongue ran across my bottom lip. He was frozen, a wonderful site to see. For once, he didn’t have a way with words.

“I got nothing.”

“And you’ll continue to have it,” my hand collided with his face and the sound echoed.

“That’s enough,” Chubbs pulled me back.

“No, fuck him! I fuckin’ hate him! I hate you so much, Aubrey! You hear that? I hate you!” I exclaimed in a hushed tone but it was enough for us to hear. “And it still doesn’t compensate for the pain you’ve caused. How does that feel, huh? I hate you, you bitch! I fuckin’ hate you. I hate him. I hate him.”

“You gotta calm down, baby girl,” Chubbs’ gentle voice worked to ease me. He carried me off in the distance.

“I hate him. I hate him,” I repeated out of desperation to halt my tears. “I hate him.”

But I love him.


I wanted to muster hateful words to spit at him for making me miss my flight but couldn’t.

“Here,” the man of the hour appeared with two aspirins and a glass of water. I wanted nothing from him but to be freed. So I knocked the glass out of his hand and watched it shatter on impact.

My heart it looked like.

 “Bastard,” I found strength to mutter.

“I agree,” he bellowed, ignoring the pieces of glass and taking place by me on the hotel room’s bed.

“I hate much.”

“That’s fine.”

“You can’t make me stay any longer.”

I was beyond broken and couldn’t be repaired.

“I know but for one night…I-I’d. I don’t know.”

“Go to her. I want nothing of you,” I punched with my words. “Nothing. Words mean nothing. The ring meant nothing. To you I mean nothing.”

“Everything and more,” he responded with a genuine look in his eyes. But I refused to let up.  “So much more, you can’t be mine. You’re right, Onika. I gotta figure this shit out. And maybe when I do, you’ll have me.”

“Never,” I hoped to appear stronger than I was weak.

“And that’s ok because I’ll fight as hard as you want me to.”

Placing his index finger on my chin, he lifted it and kissed my lips softly. My body caved and tears escaped.

“Stop,” I whimpered.

“Lay with me,” he gave a hopeless smile.

“No,” I spoke but my actions proved otherwise once I allowed him to pull me back into him. Placing the blanket over us, Aubrey gripped my waist tightly, so tight that I knew he knew it was over.

“I love you,” he voiced against the back of my neck and pecked it.

“I love you too.”

But I knew I’d hate him in the morning, next week, next month, maybe next year. And I’d hate how I allowed myself to still love him.

So I definitely plan for the story to go in this direction, but sometimes it creates itself. This will be the last bit of relationship drama between them though. Sorry it took so long to post.