“...so don’t go searching"
“Don’t yell at me!” Nicki yelled out ironically. She was the only person yelling.
“Put some clothes on, man. We got shit to do, and you playin’.”
“Who’s playin’, Aubrey?” she pulled her jacket on and slid the eyeglasses onto her face.
“Is this about the tour?” I questioned although I already understood.
“Why ask somethin’ you know the answer to?”
“It’s set in stone, so what?”
“I don’t plan on ruining it. Shit, I won’t even be there,” she chuckled statically.
“You won’t?” I didn’t want to argue. I just wanted to figure out why she was so bothered. These were things we did, do as celebrities.
“This is your tour not mine. I don’t want to be in the media more than I have to. I am a mother and wife you know?”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I followed behind her to the connected bathroom of our hotel room.
“Exactly what it sounds like.”
“So I’m not fulfilling my own roles.”
It was never enough with me.
“It’s not about that, Aubrey! We have a family amongst other things to attend to that are far more important than this in my eyes. I get what this culture did for and means to you. But I’m not you. I want to be at home and cooped up with King. I just don’t understand why now. You’ve been on tour already. When will it be about family? When will we make memories as one?”
Ouch. The words inflicted all too easily as she vented.
“So family isn’t a priority of mine?”
“I never said that,” she lowered her head.
“You never say anything wrong, huh?”
“When is it gonna stop being about one of us being in the wrong? If you are or are not wrong, I just don’t wanna fuckin’ go, Brey! My God, is it not that easy to comprehend? We’ve been through enough. Shit, it’s not always about me being on the road with you. It’s about our family and building a foundation for King. ”
“It’s not that,” I spat. “You won’t tell the truth to save your life.”
“What is it about then? Tell me.” Nic turned to face me
“I’m not him anymore.”
“I’m ready to go,” Nic moved around me but I pulled her back only to have her jerk away. “Now, Aubrey!”
“No, you’re gonna sit here and talk to me about what’s wrong. You know that’s not me anymore. I’d never break my word again.”
“I know you wouldn’t, so just drop it.”
And I did.
I could have used his own lyrics against him but chose otherwise. No, being here wasn’t a priority of mine. Women, if you could even deem them such, would be all over him.
They were damn vultures, and I had grown tired arguing about it. I was his wife, so I decided on keeping my mouth shut. It was for the best because I needed to trust him.
Frankly, I was tired in general. It was always go with us, and I preferred stop. King was most important right now.
“He loves his hats like you,” I spoke up to lighten the mood. King and I sat, waiting for Aubrey to get his clothes on.
“You think?” he smiled widely, those adored dimples sinking in deeply.
“Yes,” I grinned and looked down at King who had a beanie on his tiny head. It fit well enough but was found funny because of how hip he managed to look.
“He gets the attention of the best like me too.”
“So true,” I uttered very sarcastically, “because you were the corniest nigga when I met you.”
“Yet you looked my way, and bam! 20 million break-ups, a baby, and a ring later, we’re here.”
“Whatever,” I sucked my teeth. “You’re so cocky for no reason.”
“I bagged the most beautiful girl in the world. Why not?”
“Look at Daddy, King,” I voiced. “He tries so hard, and it works every time.”
“I’ve been trying to show him some new looks because he only smiles,” Aubrey said.
“And that is wrong why? He’s a baby. I love his smile.”
“Of course, you do. It’s your smile. I need him prepping for what will be in the near future. He’s gonna have all the girls in the sandbox.”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m his only girl right now,” I pecked all over his face. King babbled, a few specks of spit getting on me. I wasn’t complaining though. This little boy had me wrapped around his finger. He was my love.
“You guys at least comin’ to the first show.”
“Would I be pushin’ to ask if you’d be coming to any more?”
“You would. But we’ll be there for some.”
“Well, enough. Y’all ready?”
“Yes, we are, Daddy.”
Hair tossed to the side, Nicki led the way out of the bathroom with a red face and wide grin. It was pretty evident what we had just done.
“What?” she giggled while I stared her down.
“Nothing. Just beautiful that’s all.”
“Oh, my! Don’t make me blush even more, sir,” she cheesed. “We’ll definitely give what we did away.”
“You guys just you know?” OB appeared out of nowhere.
“No we did not,” Nic shot off quickly. It wasn't even believable.
“Have some dignity,” he exaggerated.
“Stop,” she whined and hid her face in my shirt. It just happened I suppose. We both wanted it, and in the moment, it was our only option. Call it spontaneity. We hadn’t found in us to pass the honeymoon stage.
“You see how mean Mommy is, King?” I questioned King as he stood in the playpen clueless to everything.
“I’m not. Just do as I say if you don’t want no problems,” she chuckled. “This is besides the point anyway because you’ve never been a good dresser anyway.”
“And you have? You dressed like an anime character for like an entire year.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“Dish but no take?”
“I’m your wife though. I can say those things.”
“I’ll take it back then. I’m sorry, baby.”
“Whatever,” she rolled her eyes, unfazed but not really mad. “So you gon’ put it on or what? The show starts in an hour tops.”
“Ok,” I kissed her forehead. She couldn’t even be mad at me if she wanted.
“Cheeks,” Nic murmured before grabbing his cheeks.
“Love you, Nic.”
“Stop being soft, my nigga. Ain’t no love in this shit,” she chuckled.
“You don’t want my love,” I faked my hurt.
“Never. But you gotta go.”
“Aight. Love you.”
“You just said that.”
“Ok, so say it back.”
“I love you too,” was all I heard before hitting the stage.
“Yas! She my trap queen,” she giggled before bending over to twerk. Her locks sashayed with her movement.
“Yo, you are wildin’!” I shouted out to her from across the room. It didn’t bother me though. I was glad to see a smile kept at her lips.
“I’m outchea livin’. What you doin’?”
“Enjoying the show,” I answered.
“Married to the money,” she rubbed her hands to mimic cash.
“Stop playing for a second and pick my shit out.”
“Nigga,” she glared at me. “Don’t ask me to assist you for the day then complain about my outfit choices. You see those fits over there.”
“Well, then pick something I would like,” I further complained. “This shit is bland for today.”
“You wear black all the time, Aubrey. Shut the fuck up and put that outfit on before I leave,” she pointed at a choice while staring sternly.
Truth was you could really be in love with someone only to have the world say you were not. Countless times they said I did not love him and vice versa. He was getting the longer end of the stick now while I had the shorter end.
My fidelity was now in question when it clearly shouldn’t be.
“So you really believe ‘em?”
“I didn’t say that but you two did have something briefly.”
“A kiss that led me right back to you. Go figure, Aubrey!”
“I’m not saying it was more, Onika. Chill with the shit!” he fired back.
“No, don’t tell me to chill when my morality is being questioned, and people are believing it. You’re praised for that shit.”
The standards were different.
“More bodies than a morgue but no one’s bashing you.”
“That one was actually funny,” he was able to laugh but I wasn’t.
“Shut the fuck up, Aubrey! Sometimes listen to me.”
“I am,” he insisted with arms up.
“Obviously, you aren’t and haven’t been, bitchass. I’d never gone that far with him. A kiss when we had broken up at the most but nothing more. I want you not him,” I argued.
“Well, then we have nothing to worry about.”
“Aye!” I whined my waist in his lap before posting the picture.
“What you say?” Aubrey furrowed with his chin against my back.
“Your favorite rapper’s favorite rapper."
“I’d say so,” I sipped from my Solo cup. I was really trying to get faded while Aubrey wanted to be uptight. “Loosen up with your classy ass. Stop being a fuckin’ prude.”
“Fine,” he took the cup and a swig.
“If you don’t pass out on your ass, then yeah.”
“Then I won’t, papi. I’ll be good,” I giggled. We’d been doing it more than often. And I wasn’t complaining. But I admit we were becoming a bit careless. I suppose marriage imposed no boundaries, and we could do anything how we wanted. I just was questioning if it was a good idea chancing giving King a sibling.
“Mhmm,” he hummed against my skin. It was just the honeymoon stage they said. We definitely seemed to prove so when we argued but I knew I was happy. He’d give me a high like no other. And for that, I’d never be able to leave.
“So about this wedding…can it not be too extravagant? I’d like something small and personal.”
“Whatever you want, babe,” his face rested against my back, making me feel even more comfortable.
“Can you perform ‘Hold In, We’re Going Home’ also? I want you to sing it while pictures of us run in the background. I’ll be in middle of the dance floor while you’re on the stage. We’ll gaze in one another’s eyes and float off on a cloud like the ones on your album cover,” I tried for a straight face but laughed hysterically.
“Shut up!” he chuckled.
“You swear you singing ya soul when doing it.”
“I do this shit. Forreal, Nic. I will sing the panties off of you.”
“Who you tellin’?” I played into his jokes. But God, did I love him.
My hand pressed against her lower back.
“There’ll never be another me, so don’t go searching,” she teased. Teeth hooking onto her bottom lip, Nic’s eyes were so low you could mistake them for being closed. “You’ll leave empty-handed.”
“You are something else.”
“I’m everything,” the liquor saying things she rarely spoke. “I’m all.”
“You damn right,” I smirked. “More than much sometimes.”
“As are you,” her hand pulled at the ponytail holder. Her hair fell at her back. Hand grasping her throat, Nic’s head flew back in some sort of ecstasy.
A grin graced her lips as she hit the sheets of the bed. Her body arched once her fingers entangled those tresses of her; the erection of her nipples telling me what I needed to know.
“Holy shit! I am wasted,” she gasped. Her fingertips ran against her thong’s rim and down at her own pleasure.
“What’d I tell you?” I scolded, unbuckling my belt.
“Never stopped you before and won’t stop you now,” she rolled onto her stomach and looked back at me with a daring look. “Too bad you won’t though.”
“I won’t?” I questioned before mounting the bed. She was in trouble now.
“Nigga,” she groaned as I poked at her side. Her hair was all in my face while she lied with her back in my chest.
“Oh, hush,” I brushed her off.
“Shh,” she whined.
“No!” I yelled out.
“Fuck you, bitch ass,” she cried. “You ain’t gettin’ shit for awhile.”
“Please, we married now. This is a partnership.”
“Whatever,” she snuggled up closer. “I like this though. You’re good to me.”
“You deserve it baby,” I grinned. Never did I imagine we could come back from our last break-up. It was worse than the first, so to have her have me was the best thing. I was never messing up again. This was endless.